Boys will be boys...!

Sometime in 1984

I am still serving on HMS Yarmouth. We are now acting as guard ship in the West Indies.

So what is a guard ship? Basically the ship's duties are to patrol the islands and to respond to any requests for help, particularly in disaster areas. For example if an island was struck by a hurricane or tsunami we would provide search and rescue assistance, medical support and disaster relief.

Of course, during such a deployment there is usually plenty of opportunity for shore time to explore the islands. This is one of the better locations!

Now, let me explain a little about 'Jolly Jack' to you. He is away from home and tends to adopt the attitude that 'what they don't know, won't hurt them!" So, presented with the opportunity for, let's say, some female company, he usually doesn't try too hard to resist.

We are alongside in Antigua. This is one of the larger islands that is at once beautiful but of stark contrasts. On the one hand, there are beautiful beaches and expensive homes, on the other, there are many people living near the poverty line.

I am enticed ashore by a couple of my mess mates and we head out to find a suitable watering hole. This doesn't prove too hard and we settle down for a few beers! I haven't led a sheltered life but it takes me awhile to notice my surroundings fully.

While I sit at the bar I notice that there are quite a few of my ship mates here also. They regularly disappear upstairs and appear a little later. I casually mention this to my mates. They aren't concerned, after all we are sitting at the bar of a fairly large brothel! My ship mates are getting acquainted with the locals!

A few days later, we are back on patrol and my sick bay is pretty busy. I have about 25 cases of STD's (sexually transmitted diseases). This to Jack, is an accepted hazard of his life style! Around 15 of these new cases appear to have got their little problem from the same girl - yep, you guessed it - this group paid a visit to the brothel in Antigua.

So, many smears and painful injections later, all of the new cases are treated. The worrying thing, for me, is that it is during this period that the world is beginning to wake up to the threat of Aids. One of my roles is to lecture the crew on health & hygiene. But Jack, I think, always adopts the attitude to jump first and ask questions later!

Of course, as part of my stores I carry a good supply of contraceptives. I don't think there was a single occasion during my time on the ship that I was ever asked for any of these!

Emergency dash...!

RNAS Yeovilton 1975

After the army cadets I was 'properly' drafted to my first shore establishment. Again, oddly, it was an airbase. Yes the Royal Navy does have them. This one was at Yeovilton in Somerset.

This was my first experience of working in a sick bay serving the medical needs of the base. Duties could range from mundane administration, treating the sick and dashes to the airfield for emergency or precautionary landings of aircraft. All in all an interesting place to work.

Again, I volunteered to work over the Xmas period. As I have said, this is usually a pretty good time on a naval base. Paddy was my colleague who would be working over the festive period with me.

The days were passing fairly slowly and quietly with not much happening. This was to change on Xmas eve.

Paddy and I, together with a nurse were watching a bit of telly to while away the hours, when we received a call. One of the duty drivers had taken a turn and didn't look to good. Paddy and I dashed around in the ambulance.

When we got there, the driver had, indeed, taken a turn for the worst - a major heart attack. He was collapsed in his chair - no pulse or respiration. Paddy and I went into auto. We rapidly got him into the ambulance and sped of towards Yeovil hospital which was 7 miles away.

We now had to keep this guy alive until we got there! Let me explain; hurtling along at 70 miles an hour in the back of a range rover ambulance is no fun. The thing rocks and rolls alarmingly. Now, normally, one of us would have been giving mouth to mouth, the other cardiac massage. In this case, this was proving to be impossible.

Paddy and I quickly worked this out. I basically, held on tight to Paddy to stabilize him while he worked on the patient. We got to the hospital in double quick time. Happily, the patient survived this episode and made a good recovery.

Back to the telly then!

Trained and ready for action....!

Sometime in 1975

So here I am, fully trained. I am now an MA (Medical Assistant) ready to take up medical duties wherever I may be drafted. So, will it be a ship, abroad or a shore establishment? Any of these would be exciting for me.

My first draft? The army cadets, of course! I will be going to spent 2 weeks based at Tidworth army barracks looking after around 300 army cadets on their summer camp. Oh well, how hard can it be?

I pack my medical kit, a grand term this. It is, actually, a fairly large canvas bag packed with some medical kit including a few choice drugs. Should suffice; I wouldn't expect more than a few cuts and bruises - nothing too challenging. Only a bunch of kids after all!

First thing to note is army food. Although we camped out in the surrounding area, remote from the base the food deserved a mention. Navy food is pretty good but, the army have got it taped when catering in the field. The food was superb. However, I digress. Back to the cadets.

Expecting no more than a few minor injuries I was presented with a little more than that. These kids had fits, hysteria, broken limbs, lacerations, beri beri, trenchfoot, swamp fever, the list goes on! OK the last three were a slight exaggeration!

Blimey! Fresh out of training and these youngsters were certainly presenting me with enough problems to keep me busy. The 2 weeks passed rapidly. Great fun and a great experience, in fact.

Over the years I was to work with the RAF and the Army again. More of that later..

New arrivals....

RNH Stonehouse 1974

Every month or so, can't remember exactly, there would be a new class of nurses arrive for training. This was quite an event for most of the male staff at the hospital - probably a slightly scary one for the new nurses!

The hospital, of course, had it's own bar called the Geneva club. It was here that ratings would gather in the evenings for a few beers, a disco or as a prelude to a run ashore. This was also a place of ordeal for a new class of 'baby' nurses.

I remember these nights very clearly. Once the new nurses had settled into their new surrounding the would pay their first visit to the Geneva club. It must have seemed like a cattle market to them. Male staff members would be in attendance to 'welcome them' and eye up the new talent! I'm sure that this first visit to the club must have been an uncomfortable experience.

Of course, these freshly pressed nurses would soon become extremely comfortable in their new surroundings. Stonehouse was a great place to live and work.

However, I always felt some sympathy on these nights and, would often introduce myself to help them feel welcome. I knew many, many nurses during my time at Stonehouse, purely as friends. There was many a good night at the Geneva club!

Xmas - ho ho ho....

If you are single, Xmas in the Navy can be good fun, even when you are working.

Here's an example....

It's Xmas 1974, I am working on the officers ward at RNH Stonehouse in Plymouth. I have reached the heady heights of PMA (Probationary Medical Assistant). I am working the day shift over the Xmas period.

Xmas eve sees a pretty good 'thrash' going on in the Geneva club - the hospital bar. There is much alcohol and frivolity - a good evening is being had by all!

Note to self - in future try to keep alcohol consumption down to sensible levels when I have to work the following morning. On this occasion I fail to do this and get well into the fun! Frivolity and alcohol consumption goes on late into Xmas eve - no surprises there then!

The next morning sees me waking up not feeling quite as cheerful as the evening before. I have the mother of hangovers - take it like a man! I report for duty on the officers ward - smartly dressed in pristine ward whites, oh.. and 6 foot of tinsel wrapped around my neck. seemed like a good idea at the time - Xmas morning after all!

The sister in charge, takes one look at my sorry face (I must have looked terrible) and sends me to lie down in an empty room. This I do with gratitude and promptly fall asleep. Remember, I am supposed to be on duty.

Sometime later I am woken with a gentle shake. Let me explain something - it is a tradition for the senior officers of the hospital to do rounds on Xmas morning to spread some good cheer. I try to focus, still feeling bloody awful from the night before, this proves to be difficult. I am dazzled by the amount of gold braid that appears before my eyes!

It is, of course, rounds! There in front of me is a Rear Admiral, the Executive Officer, Matron and assorted others. Bloody hell! I must be deep in the mire. The Admiral wishes me a very merry Xmas, which I return. He about turns with the rest of the party and exits the room.

I promptly roll over and go back to sleep. To this day - I have no idea how I got away with it! I do remember that the Admiral in question was Rear Admiral Binns, he had come through the ranks - a fairly rare thing to achieve his rank (hell he was even rumoured to have tattoos!). Maybe, he remembered what it was like to be working on the wards at Xmas!